i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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