Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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