my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
