i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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