I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
