i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
