nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
