Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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