Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
