The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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