Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
