I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
