No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found the puke drawer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
