In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
