Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...