I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.