Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
