I'm going to jail i love you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.