I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
