I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
