Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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