my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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