guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
