Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
