Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
