I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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