At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
