listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
