Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
