Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?