my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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