Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex