cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
