Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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  (513): She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools. http://tfl.nu/fny5
  Replies (21) Good night (998) Bad night (3770)
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  (805): View more from California

  He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex

  (949): View more from California

  How do you have pretend sex?

  (805): View more from California

  It was bad...so it was pretend

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  (805): He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex (949): How do you have pretend sex? (805): It was bad...so it was pretend http://tfl.nu/3mvm
  Replies (13) Good night (707) Bad night (3912)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners

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  (678): Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners http://tfl.nu/cs50
  Replies (32) Good night (4303) Bad night (597)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.

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  (918): On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break. http://tfl.nu/zpw8
  Replies (15) Good night (1318) Bad night (3321)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

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  (309): they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy. http://tfl.nu/yj0s
  Replies (5) Good night (4092) Bad night (1518)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs

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  (815): I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs http://tfl.nu/01af
  Replies (6) Good night (1762) Bad night (881)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

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  (618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov
  Replies (45) Good night (3647) Bad night (1325)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.

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  (724): I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/fuww
  Replies (11) Good night (2124) Bad night (815)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?

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  (208): And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs? http://tfl.nu/xb1m
  Replies (2) Good night (1514) Bad night (548)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.

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  (850): I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night. http://tfl.nu/511n
  Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (444)
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  (209): View more from California

  His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.

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  (209): His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1422) Bad night (615)
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  (760): View more from California

  So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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  (760): So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related. http://tfl.nu/jwal
  Replies (5) Good night (1457) Bad night (326)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.

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  (940): Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night. http://tfl.nu/76za
  Replies (2) Good night (725) Bad night (343)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.

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  (407): I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober. http://tfl.nu/la4k
  Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.

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  (561): Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever. http://tfl.nu/yda1
  Replies (0) Good night (718) Bad night (268)

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