tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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