Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
