what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
