Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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