Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
