I can text with my tongue
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
