You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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