We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
