ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
