Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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