omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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