dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
