Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's the barista slut.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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