she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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