she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
