he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize