It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
