can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize