I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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