i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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