this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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