She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
