I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
