Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
