If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
