You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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