I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
