I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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