Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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