well I can't set my house on fire every night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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