yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I touched a dick in church today
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
