I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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