We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
