SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am available for nakedness
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
