So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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