If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
