Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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