I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
